Nine Types of Writers

Before I start, I would like to say that this is a humorous blog post, made to poke fun at some writer stereotypes. I apologize in advance if any part of this is offensive, as I do not mean it to be.

That being said, these stereotypes do reveal some truths, and because of that I will be listing the advantages and disadvantages of each of these ‘kinds’.

So without further ado, lets begin.

1. The Overachievers

These are the writers who finish their manuscripts in two months. The writers that begin working on second drafts the day after completing their first. If you know an overachiever you may envy them for the speed and determination with which they write.

Advantage: These writers get work done, and with time to spare. Every project they touch will end up finished, even if its completion is just out of sheer willpower. You can count on Overachievers to go above and beyond.

Disadvantage: Because of the Overachievers’ go-getter personalities, and the amount of determination and perseverance they have, Overachievers will burn out. It might happen sooner, it might happen later, but you know that it will happen. Then they become Underachievers or Crazies.

2. The Underachievers

The opposite of an Overachiever, an Underachiever gets a lot less work done than they should. It may not be because of procrastination. A more likely reason for an Underachiever’s work levels is just low energy levels combined with a lack of motivation or inspiration.

Advantage: Underachievers are reliable. While they may not be counted on to finish a project in an incredibly short amount of time, their levels of effort are generally constant, making it easy to predict just what will get done and in what amount of time.

Disadvantage: Underachievers will not put as much effort into a project as you may hope they will. Because of this, you may need to pick up the slack from time to time.

3. The Crazies

You don’t know if they’ve been driven to madness from writing, or driven to writing from madness. But one thing is for sure, these writers are crazy! They’re always muttering about plot lines and characters, and they’re very jumpy, but you hope that that’s from excess caffeine.

They seem to have quite a bit of energy, and they definitely put it into their projects. They also seem to know a suspicious amount about some questionable subjects.

Advantage: The Crazies are good writers. Why? Because they channel their madness into their stories. This leads to beautifully flawed characters, juicy plot twists, and detailed settings.

Disadvantages: The Crazies can drive people away with their insanity. They may be brilliant, but it takes an open minded person to see that.

4. The Chill-Outs

These people are the opposites of the Crazies. They drink lots of green tea, do yoga at sunrise, meditate daily, and still find time for writing! They never seem to stress about deadlines, and you’re not sure if it’s because of their relaxed state of being or if it’s because they have a time travel machine.

Advantage: The Chill-Outs don’t lose their heads easily, meaning that writer’s block because of stress doesn’t happen too often for them. In fact most stresses seem to just wash right off of them, leaving these writers a lot of brain power left for writing.

Disadvantage: Because of the Chill-Outs calm natures, their writing can lack some conflict. And since every good story is based off of conflict, they may need someone to help inspire it within them. After all, we write what we know.

5. The Snobs

The Snobs. The ones that brag about reading some stuffy old tome from the 16th century, and then modeling their writing style after it. The ones that use words that you’ll have to look up in a dictionary, and even then those words don’t make sense.

If you do question them about something, they may just brush you off as not being intelligent enough to understand, or they’ll give you an answer more convoluted than a time travel plot in a hardcore sci-fi.

Advantages: While they may seem a little (or a lot) too condescending, you may actually glean some information or tricks for them, provided you do enough digging around.

Disadvantages: The Snobs don’t like other people knowing what they know, so actually understanding their reasoning may be difficult, to say the least.

6. The Conference-Goers

The Conference-Goers are the ones who try to visit every writing conference, writing panel, writing convention, writing anything in existence. A lot of the time their scheduled work time is spent learning about writing, even if what they’re learning has nothing to do with their genre.

This could come in the form of a children’s author going to a lesson about writing a tragic romance or an accurate death ‘just in case they need that information some day’. Which would be fine on its own, but anything in excess is bad.

Advantage: While they may not need all of the information they learn, you might need some of it. If you ever have any questions, they’ll have the answers. So go ask them!

Disadvantages: These writers spend so much time at conferences/conventions/panels/talks/etc that they hardly have time for actually writing.

7. The Procrastinators

The Procrastinators are so good at procrastinating that they actually loop back into being productive. How? By cleaning their entire house instead of writing, of course! They’ll do anything to keep from writing. Sometimes you wonder what would actually get them to write.

Advantage: The procrastinators will do just about anything to keep from writing, so they’ll help you out if you need someone to vent to, or to bounce ideas off of. Don’t worry about them stealing your ideas though, because they’ll sooner polish an entire floor than write those ideas down.

Disadvantage: The Procrastinator doesn’t get a lot of work done. End of story.

8. The Excusers

These kind of writers will use the ‘I’m a writer’ excuse for just about anything. Why do they know the amount of force it would take to knock they moon out of orbit? They’re writers. Why did they miss an important deadline? They’re writers (and missed it because of writing). Why do they know 257 ways to kill a person? They’re writers!

Advantages: Their excuses work, and may even give you some ideas of how to get out of sticky situations. Just be careful about how often you use their excuses, or you will turn into an Excuser yourself.

Disadvantage: They may use the ‘I’m a writer’ excuse in the wrong place at the wrong time (or just too much in general) and completely forfeit any power it has, leaving them to find new excuses for their weird habits and knowledge.

9. The Executioners

Don’t get too attached to any characters these writers create. Those characters are going to die sooner or later, hence why this kind of writer is called the Executioner.

Advantages: The Executioners keep readers on their toes and the plot moving forward with lots of added tension and conflict.

Disadvantages: They will leave you sobbing in a corner over the death of your favorite characters.

What kind of writer are you? Do you have any suggestions for other types of writers? Let me know in the comments!